Is it really as bad as I think?

I used to drink and relied heavily on alcohol i acquired from family to numb me out enough to get by in my day to day life, but i stopped drinking shortly after turning 21. Now, i noticed that I have that same dependency (if not worse) on marijuana. My religion explicitly forbids the use of intoxicants but I cant bring myself to leave it behind. I feel like if I stop smoking, I may spiral out of control and what I've been running from may overwhelm me and I'll die. Part of me feels like this is an overreaction but another part of me knows absolutely it is not. I rely on intoxicants to keep me away from myself (if that makes sense) so the idea of just...stopping..terrifies me, especially since I'm doing it very alone. I want to succeed but I dont know if I can or if success wouldn't just lead to more tragedy.

Toddiwood, I felt like I couldn't live with it or live without it too. I was glad I went to a counselor ad dealt with these issues. Helped save my life.