Relapsed after 12 years clean

I relapsed after 12 years clean.
about 5 months ago I made one of the worst mistakes of my life! I chose to smoke weed. I have told myself that weed is not really a drug! If i ever doubted that i was a addict I dont anymore! I took my clean
time & EVERYTHING else that came along with it for granted. God had answered my prayer & took my desire to use away from me. Now The desire to use is back ALL THE TIME!! My "dealer" lives right next door 2 me..like 10 feet away! My mind is going 24/7 ! WHY did i do this?? it took about 6 years of relapsing for me to get it & make it to 12 years clean! I hate the obsession! I want the desire to use to be lifted but every time i get about 3-4 days without using I step outside my house & my "dealer" is right next door & i use again! I know this isn't rocket science but Im completely obsessed, depressed & sick and tired of it all! I have 3 DAYS clean today.

We do not lose our clean time. We earned every day. You can still access and use the knowledge and experience you have gained over the years.

And just like before, it will take time for the obsession to pass. Don't let the dumb ass custom of shaming that is common in the rooms stop you from doing what is best for yourself.

12 years is a great accomplishment. Be proud of yourself...I AM proud of you! Just use this experience as a call to make changes to your program and as a way to be an example to the next person with significant clean time who relapses.

I relapsed after 3+ years and it took me 4 years to get back on track. So show others how it is done. God brought us this far. He is not finished with us yet! Forget what people think and you do you!

Yehochanan...thank you so much for your support & uplifting message! I REALLY REALLY needed 2 see that today!

Thanks for sharing your Experience, Strenght and Hope. Yes, I needed to hear that, indeed.

Really needed to see this...I'm in the middle of a relapse and am so scared

Don't focus on what's happened. It's done. Focus on who you are at your core. You deserve sobriety.

you did 12, you can do 24, your neighbor is just an obstacle that you can overcome

i helped myself. I am returning to NA after being away 7 years! i was embraced. and I was not the only one relapse with clean time.

I do SMART Recovery too...but NA is home.

I have been isolating for years. now I have 10 phone numbers! i will dial'em...not file'em!

I know that when our addiction is readily available (like your next door neighbor with the weed), it is so easy to say “just one more time”.

Once you see your trigger event, which clearly you have, it begins to become weaker over time. But, you have to see the trigger event coming without emotion. Otherwise, it will blindside you every time.