Day 1 introduction

So um I drink not every day but every week , I find myself drinking more because my husband has a serious problem and it’s easier to drink with him than stay sober and annoyed but it’s not helping me or him. I definitely have my own issues with alcohol but I can still not drink when it’s important? However lately every time we have an over night sitter I end up blacked out even if I planed to keep it low key. I’m tired of waking up feeling like shit and thinking that cost way to much . Both financially socially emotionally it all just costs to much. I also feel like the only way to help him get it under control is if I stop first. How can I be a support person if I’m planning nights to get fucked up? And since he can’t moderate at all... he drinks a 12pk a day and more when he is “drinking” anyway I can’t change our family drinking culture if I’m a part of it. So I’m taking the first step.

Good for you! I think over time alcohol can start taking over whether you drink daily or just once a week. It sounds like you’re in a better place mentally to take charge of your life , but remember your husband will drink or get better independently of you . He has to do it for himself. I found alanon was very helpful dealing with a loved ones drinking. That way you can deal with your anxiety and learn what’s most helpful to those who might be more dependent on drinking/ drugs/ etc

I know he will do what he is going to do regardless , but if I deal with my own issues than at least I won’t be an obstical ? I may not be at his level .. but if I’m having 3-4 drinks 3-4 days a week And 6-10 on a Saturday plus drinking enough to black out once or twice. Month .. that is not going to help when we make moderation plans then both say fuck it and party instead. I can’t make him do anything he isn’t ready or willing to do ... but the reality is that he prob lay can’t do moderation , with work and attention to details I can .. however I still have so much anxiety when I even think about “nevers” when I try and think about life with out the party. But it needs to happen , and since I can’t control anyone but myself ... the only thing I can do to make my life more manageable is to control me. We bonded in a way over our mutual love of drinking but then responsibilities piled up and this is where I have always differed from a lot of alcoholics is that I won’t hit rock bottom my self presentation kicks in before I actually lose everything ? It always has ... that doesn’t mean I don’t have a problem ? That doesn’t mean i don’t struggle .. but for example I won’t drink if I know I have to drive especially with my kids .. so no matter how bad I want. Drink if I have to pick a kid up at 9pm I won’t drink ... but at the same time I went out Sunday at 1pm , really wanting to keep it low key and not get totally fucked up but um I was still hung over all day on Tuesday . Is what I’m going through as bad as it could be ? No I suppose it isn’t , I’m not physically dependent on alchohol I’ve always been a binge drinker .. and I quit for 10 months recently ( our youngest is only 7m old ) so yes I know I can stop .. but I did it for 10 months counting down the days untill I was allowed to drink again. If I’m not mentally or emotionally able to accept giving it up completely how the hell am I supposed to support someone else ? Especially because he knows he has to do something .. he is at the point where he babbles on and on every time he gets drunk about how he needs to stop and needs help but by morning light he is back to I’ll cut back or we will only drink on certain days or whatever and then he breaks that and instead of being an accountability person I am like oh thank god I really wanted a beer today. Like I’m waiting for him to Fuck up so I can relax ? It’s not about I’ll quit so you will quit it’s we both have work to do and his isn’t the same as mine. But if I dont do my work , what are the chances of him being successful ? If I’m not low key hoping he fails ? How can I possibly support him in his path to recovery if we are actively drinking together ? I’d rather be the drinking buddy who quit than the drinking buddy who keeps him drinking ? Also I’ve been to plenty of Alanon stuff and I was raised under the table at as meetings so I heard every damn thing .. I get it ... but he is my best friend and while I know he won’t do anything he’s not ready for I also know I have a great deal of influence because I matter to him and these kids matter to him. But I know personally that I have to do what is best for this family and at the end of the day he will make his choice. I have to get my shit together for me and my kids regardless. Just because my husband is a more severe alchoholic and less ready than I am doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get help and should go spend time in some alanon meetings learning how to set boundaries and love with out enabling... And u less you have been in a relationship where both partners have addiction / substance abuse issues and both want to get better but also both want to say fuck it and blow off the weight of the world .. it’s not easy or cut and dry. I will have to work twice as hard to not give in .. to not just say wel he’s still drinking so why can’t I have my drinks ... today wasn’t easy and I have 0 confidence in tomorrow .. but yeah I’m sure alanon will be a great solution .. my deciding I don’t want to wait for him to get off a sinking ship isn’t some holier than thou bs .. but yes his addiction is going to kill him maybe sooner than later mine is just embarrassing and unhealthy and could land me in jail at some point. But thank you for making it clear I won’t be getting any support around here till I can keep up with the big boys and don’t feel the need to stay sober enough to carry my baby to bed. I get that I haven’t let it consume everything yet .. but I guess that’s what it takes.

Don't drink and go to AA.

Change is so hard and I think anxiety and that feeling of connection keeps many people drinking. You don’t have to be obnoxious about not drinking, I just tell people I can’t drink because of migraines. It’s a lie, but I have a lot of family that drink and they pressure me to because they say I’m more fun and relaxed. They don’t see me the next day! Anyway, it’s better for your kids to have a least I sober parent, even though you are very responsible about drinking, but you’re not emotionally available to them when you drink. It sounds like you are ready to change, just scared about how it will affect your relationship with your husband. It might improve if you’re feeling more helpful and not guilty.

I hate day 1 feeling like shit over and over, the consequences far outweigh the momentary “high”

Me too

I remember quitting for three years. That was a while ago. I thought to myself: See, I can quit alcohol whenever I want. The problem? It wasn’t like after three years of no drinking and I started all over again. When I started drinking again, the alcoholism picked up where it left off. Trust me, it just gets worse. If you can give yourself 90 days, you might have a chance to change things. Trying to be middle of the road, will only delay the inevitable. Also, You need to get into step two of the program. Either you believe in a higher power or you are the higher power.