Shaken

Today is my first day of not drinking or smoking pot. I been smoking since I was 16 and I'm 42. I drink beer and it has gotten out of control. 8 to 12 a night. I black out and feel like it's physically killing me. I try to quit but my husband is my partner in crime. This time he promises he will quit too. But he says that every time then goes right back and always asks me if I want to hit it. I really want to get clean this time. I pray to God we can do this together. And don't be fooled, he's quit and I've begged him to buy me more beer and weed too saying I need it for my nerves. And he says he can't see me stressed out so he gets it for me. I'm just as bad too😢

What started with something to relax me and take away the shyness, without realizing it, became a real hell on earth. I often say that alcohol was "Sleeping with the enemy." It was momentary relief, an anesthesia to escape reality, whose price was too high. A relief that I tried to cover a huge void, nothing was enough, commodities or people and alcohol only increased. Today I discovered that it was the absence of myself. the A.A helped me out of this hole and helps me day by day to keep on the path of sobriety. I made peace with the Higher Power (God as the way I define) and me and I found Peace. My life is not a sea of ​​roses, but the most important thing is that the emptiness no longer exists and I am no longer in that hell. Go with your husband to the meetings. Stopping drinking was very important, but it is not enough. A.A will help you rebuild emotionally and find your own answers. Earring that A.A is a super box of tools. Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

Thank you Jasand. Peace to you. Learning to feel comfortable in my own skin through daily prayer, meditation, acceptance, 12 step practice. I drank before the high school dance to take away the shyness. I had the same hole that you did and I tried to fill it with alcohol, but the hole had a leak and so the alcohol could not fill it. I also tried to fill it with other drugs, and people and money and things. But they slipped through the crack in my hole too. Sometimes I erroneously think resentment at my property manager, discouragement with my family, and other negative emotions will fill up the hole but they only widen the crack in it. So grateful I can work the 10th step on a daily basis to get rid of my ongoing character defects...so glad I can try peace instead of war. Getting rid of my character defects and not concerning my self with theirs repairs the crack in my hole and gradually fulfillment occurs. WHAT A FEELING NOT TO BE MISSED IS FULFILLMENT. Fullfillment is free from desire and longing and negativity. It results from "intense work with other recovering people" and 12 step practice.

Thank you for the encouraging words they are very much needed. I have very bad anxiety disorder and am so scared to go the a meeting with people I don't know. I never leave my house only for grocery shopping and that is because my children would starve otherwise. Today is Day 2 I feel very positive as soon as I woke up I started to read all the posts and get encouragement from what everyone was saying. But it's only day 2 and I'm scared my demons are going to overtake me because my depression gets so very strong and I only know one way to cope. Smoking weed or having a beer. And I'm not anonymous anymore, Traymerc is my name and I have a terrible addiction that I need help with.

Traymerc, peace be with you. Breathe and try faith and prayer to have courage to leave the house. A heart full of faith has no room for fear.

Yes I am going to do that. Thank you for the kind words they mean so much to me. I am on day 3 today and feel very proud of myself. Sidenote* I am VERY disappointed with my husband I noticed he has been still smoking and when I woke up this morning one of our bowls was missing so he's been taking it to work and I guess smoking either on the way there or on the way home. I'm devastated, I knew we wouldn't be in this together but oh well the true struggle is mine anyways right? I'm just soo depressed about the discovery I was feeling so positive. I still am just a little beat down and ready to tell his sneaky a** off😡

You are what true recovering people call a "double winner" if you go to Alcoholics Anonymous to arrest your addiction and Alanon to arrest your husband's addiction! Check these meetings out to see what I mean. Care about you.

Thank you for caring glad someone does. Tomorrow is the day I get my two teeth removed they are using laughing gas. I am taking an anxiety pill before I go just to try and get through the stupid procedure.I PRAY it doesn't make me want to get high or drunk again. This forum has already helped me on soo many levels and its only been 3 days its just the ALONE time when its me and the demons in my head...thats the WORST time for me...I HATE this "remember me"LIFE I mean the remember when you were stoned or drunk and erased all your problems,the FAKE life not truly facing reality life that's what I HATE and its only day 3!!!!...I HATE IT....I REALLY DO!!!!! feeling lost and afraid😢

Great start you can do this. I have been clean for 14 days and 3 hours. After 11 years of downward spirals. A sponsor is a great thing to have. Anytime I have trouble just talking to them for the time I am having craving helps tremendously. If you take it one day at a time it will get easier. I wish the best for you.

The spiritual solution can fend off the demons. Some say that the battle between active addiction and recovery is akin to spiritual wars. Step 1 involves admitting you cannot control your addiction all by yourself and that it is ruining your life. Step 2 asks you to come to believe that a Higher Power can rrestore you to sanity. Step 3 asks you to make a decision to turn your life and will over to that Higher power's care. Traymerc, you can do all three of these steps right now. If you do, your Higher Power will drive those demons that are all in your head away. Keep doing these 3 steps throughout the day and get to an AA meeting as soon as possible. You may also need te help of a counselor and a Sponsor to keep those demons away. Anxiety pills alone do not sound like they are the full solution. They may actually be doing more harm than good. Talk to a professional about the pills. Peace to you.

I'm in the crowd for you. I am sure that you will be well received at the A.A’s meeting and been with people who fight, day by day, against the same evil, it makes a lot of difference. Alone is too much for us. I wish you much Peace, Harmony, Serenity, Courage, Wisdom and Lightness to face the challenges of everyday life.

I am doing just that one day at a time. The BEST thing I have found so far is the encouragement of this forum. That is the truth. That and prayer. God has really been helping me more then I could have ever imagined. I will try to get to a meeting once I recover from my teeth getting pulled. For now, I continue to pray and lean on my new friends that are truly gems and so dear to my heart because I know that they truly understand my struggles and just having that comfort makes things so much easier to bear. Day 4 feeling VERY positive😁

Well in two more days I will have gone a full WEEK😁 and I do not know why but man is the WEED and BEER singing my NAME!!!! I should be feeling better but I keep having these cravings I almost relapsed today but I realized I have come WAY TOO FAR!!!! And I don't want to go back to day ONE it was soo HARD for me to get there the first time around😢

Day 8 feeling GREAT 😍

Great news Traymerc! Keep letting us know! Would be truly great if you could get to a meeting!

Yes I do need meetings but I'm still doing good today is day 15 haven't touched a drop of ANYTHING. No weed,no beer,no blacks. I feel wonderful. I start working at Buffalo wild wings tomorrow morning. I'm scared to DEATH!!!!! I don't know how I'm going to do around all the beer and serving it to everyone. But I need a JOB BAD right now. I am broke and my family is getting ready to lose everything if I don't start bringing in some cash. I started going back to the Kingdom Hall. I was raised as a Jehovah's witness and the support has really been helping me to stay on the straight and narrow but I swear when the Devil calls he calls via a direct LINE and I am petrified that I'm going to relapse being back in my old ways of serving the masses letting them "pick their poison." For some reason the environment always takes me over...15 days CLEAN😉 I PRAY I don't LOSE CONTROL 🙏

Get a job at a dry place, If you can get a job at buffalo wild wings, you can get a job at paneras or something else. Your sobriety is more important than anything.

Yes I agree but since I was drinking so heavily with my depression meds and anxiety disorder they were not working correctly. I kept quitting all these jobs. I've worked at Panera,Burger king, Perkins, Dunkin Doughnuts, Pizza Hut and one more local restaurant in my area. This was all in ONE YEAR. I need to get clean to have a chance at a decent job this time that I will keep. I'm not clean yet it's not even 30 days. I'm desperate!!!! Wal-Mart drug test,Sheetz,drug test, Rite Aid, Walgreens, Dollar General,Family Dollar, Giant Eagle I've tried so many places oh yeah I forgot I worked at Golden Corral too. I'm serious my situation was BAD that's why I quit because I couldn't handle the stress. Literally couldn't keep a job. Now if I don't work we will be on the street. I've looked for better environments to work at but can't do them until I get clean for 30 days straight. I had to go where they were hiring and didn't test me. I'm only half way there but still trying to get clean and pass that test to start a better life for me and my family👍

Keep checking in with us. keep using the SoberTool app. But you also NEED to go to a meeting every day and get a Sponsor! There are intensive OUTPATIENT programs that you can attend that will NOT interfere with your job and their are ways to pay: Medicaid, state aid, etc. Naltrexone may be available to help curb cravings, but until you get therapy, you will not be able to stay clean for long. This is the truth. If you know you are going to a meeting, you will know when you are working that you will have a safe, loving, accepting place to go when you are done working. You will actually be helping other people at the meeting because they will see the courage you have. You can do it. The bravest people are the ones who face their fears. You will immediately see that you have nothing to fear at a meeting once you go. Prayers for you.

Do you really HAVE to go to meetings? Are they mandatory in the recovery process? I'm just asking as I've never been down this road before. I mean are there cases of ones who have beaten this disease without going to AA or NA meetings. I am just asking. Not because I want to relapse but because I have been doing so GOOD this far and have not gone to a meeting yet. it's been 16 days and I have not touched a drop of ANYTHING. I even found weed that my husband had in my van and he's coming home smelling like a lit joint and I still didn't give in. Go buy a beer or anything. I have cravings but they pass very quickly. I don't dwell on them. I'm afraid if I start the meetings and don't stick to the plan I will beat myself up let my depression take over and start to use AGAIN because I put too much pressure on myself to succeed. Right now I have been slaying IT!!! I'm talking squeaky clean and I am LOVING my LIFE💞💫💞...I start my first shift on Wed. I guess I'll see how I feel working and serving beer all night then. That's where the REAL test will begin.