If I could drink like a normal drinker, I would drink all the time

This saying reminds me of another saying, "If I were cured, the first thing I would do is get drunk." Practicing addicts are obsessed with drugs - before, during and after taking the first one. Our work, relationships, and recreation become an interference with our addiction. If I pick up the first drink or drug, I will soon be lying again to my wife about where I was. I will sooner or later lose my career again. I will sooner or later be blaming everybody else for the trouble I am causing. My addiction will be affecting me all the time.  

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To-do:

Try to accept your disease more deeply and without shame. Remember where that first drink or drug took you. Even if you don't think you used that much, list the consequences you had when you were using. Weren't drugs or alcohol or acting out somehow involved with most of the trouble you had? Don't compare yourself out of the program because you weren't a daily drinker or because you didn't drink or drug as much as someone else. It's not how much you drank, it's what it did to you that counts. Good for you for using this app! But don't let using this app stop you from going to face to face 12 step meetings.