Maybe it only worked once, but the truth is it did work. It filled the hole in my soul. So my body told me that maybe it could work again. Then sometimes it worked and sometimes it did not work. Sometimes it worked for a second, sometimes maybe a little longer. By then, I had developed a habit of seeing if it could work, even though I began to get terrible consequences: trouble with my wife, children, friends, job, body. But my physical memory kept nagging me about the fact that it did work once.
That's why I am an addict today. The more I used though, (ironically) the less it worked. And, the more I used, the more I got into trouble.
Worst of all, even worse than the jails and institutions, is the nagging. The drug nags me saying that it will work again.
This is why I need a 24 hour a day recovery program. This is why I need emergency help when the drug nags me.
Do not pick up the first one. Keep practicing a vigilant all day program. keep asking yourself what would a solid recovery person do under the circumstances as you go through the day.