An imbalanced ego makes us defensive. That ego tells us we are no good if we make mistakes so we try to convince everyone, including ourselves, that we were right. But all this defensiveness does is cause us stress and insanity because (as we all know) we make mistakes. The 12 steps teach us to accept our mistakes, not to run from them by getting drunk or acting inappropriately. As we rebalance our egos with humility, we don't need to be defensive.
Stop trying to make believe you are perfect. Perfectionism is actually a character defect that only hurts our sobriety. Do the steps rather than picking up the first drug or bad behavior.