Think about how you wasted so much money over the years on alcohol or drugs. Ruined many relationships. Tried to quit many times. Really need to do this so that so that you can regain the self-esteem that they stole from you.
Don't pick up the first drug no matter what! Try calling someone else in recovery to share how you feel. Think of all addictions as a 600 pound gorilla that you could never beat up by yourself, that is pounding the living daylights out of you, that is killing you. If you just "cry uncle," the gorilla will get off of you. In other words, you must surrender to win. But in order to keep the gorilla from coming back, you need a team of defenders. So call someone for help. As soon as possible get to a recovery meeting (AA, NA, etc.) Prayers for you. But remember, you can't beat it, You must surrender to it and ask for help.