Some time ago I was asked how you can not drink, not even a drop of alcohol? must be very dificult! I thought, I did a retrospective of my life in the active and, to my amazement, I answered: It was not easy to stop drinking, but it was much harder to manage the lies, the suffering, the remorse, the self-pity, the need for approval of all, the fear of tomorrow, the martyrdom of yesterday, dealing with an infinite emptiness, which I thought was solitude, when in fact it was the absence of myself .... To manage all this was very difficult and tiring. I switched only for today not to drink and try to become a better version every day of me.
Try to go as much You can to the meetings of 12 steps, without hurry, without much questioning. The answers will come and the pain will be replaced by a wonderful Peace. I wish you Peace and light