Finding the Light

 I woke up yesterday, on new years day, with my usually bad hangover and I decided to try SoberTool. After years of vomiting blood, falling asleep on the job, living in isolation, and not realizing my potential in any meaningful way, I'm really hoping this works. 

 
I've spent my life associating with functional drunks, who are the life of the party, guys who love being generous with their rounds at the bar. These are all my best friends. But while they carry on holding everything together I fall apart really fast.
 
They go to the doctor and "say" the doctor finds nothing wrong, while I go to the doctor and am diagnosed with stomach ulcers, hypoglycemia, chronic fatigue, and even asperger's. Something doesn't add up.
 
I've tried changing everything but the alcohol. My rationale was to become healthy enough so I could keep drinking. But even without being healthy, I would keep drinking.
 
So now I'm going to become healthy by doing everything. I remember my life before I started, when I was about 14. I was reading novels well above my age and played sports. I felt great. Today I struggle to read more than 3 pages. This is going to change.
 
I've been sober before, so I know there is some darkness in my soul that I have to fight if I want my mind back. But never again will I fight it with anything other than the good in my mind.
 
 
 
 


To-do:

Use goodness to overcome the Dark Night of the Soul. Find the light.