If you are fantasizing about being perfect, your ego is out of balance. An imbalanced ego makes us defensive. That ego tells us we are no good if we make mistakes so we try to convince everyone, including ourselves, that we were right. But defensiveness causes stress and insanity because (as we all know) we make mistakes. The 12 steps teach us to accept our mistakes, not to run from them by getting drunk or acting inappropriately. As we rebalance our egos with humility, we don't need to be defensive.
Stop trying to make believe you are perfect. Perfectionism is actually a character defect which will only lead you to fantasize about using.