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How do i do this when my husband wont

created by: SarahBeth78 4 years, 2 months ago



I came home from prison with 21 months sober and then made it til I had 2 years and 5 days. It was easy at first. I was grieving for the husband that I wanted back. The one that was sober the one that was all about me. But the one that I came home to was fighting his demons again. He will do ok for a week and then binge for a few days. When he does that he is out and about and we argue. He says things that make me cry. I grieve for the man I love but I vowed daily not to let that get me down. Until I couldn't take him being gone any longer. Til I said screw it and just told him to come home and bring some with him. I told myself it was ok. It was just this once. It was fun for a day. Then came the sickness. The guilt. The shame. i said i wouldn't do it again. And i didnt for 2 weeks. Then i did it again
And i hated it. I hated me. I hated him. i feel awful. Scared. I dont want to live that life again. i dont want to go down that path again. i cant. I've lost all I'm willing to lose. i want my life back. There's not much access to meetings where i live. My car needs a fuel pump that I've given my husband the money for twice already smh. I'm scared and I'm full or guilt shame and remorse. i just want it all to go away. But i love my husband. i dont want him to go away. I just want my normal back with him. Just for today i make a deep and personal commitment to stay clean and sober for the next 24 hours.


by: SarahBeth78 4 years, 2 months ago
replying to SarahBeth78

Maybe try an Alanon meeting? Really helped me under similar situations. In Alanon, we are called double winners because we are sober from drugs and sober from codependence (letting others drive us crazy), which leads us back to drugs in our case.


by: Clean 4 years, 2 months ago