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Friday blues

created by: NewMe 3 years, 7 months ago

So I'm going to try this app because I know I won't come out and attend AA meetings. The fear of seeing someone I know, being exposed, the humiliation... Why, why, why is it that I have the best intentions and come Friday I have no control??? I hate myself the next day and don't drink a drop. Come Sunday I often indulge again. Monday brings new hope but oh boy, then comes the end of the week again and I disappoint myself again. What is wrong with me?? What can I do to stop this foolishness?

by: NewMe 3 years, 7 months ago
replying to NewMe

Nothings wrong with you. But you think something is so you are ashamed to let anyone know you are human and have a problem. You are so ashamed that you won't even go to meetings where others have the same problem and want to give and get help from you. It's the SHAME that is causing you to continually relapse. There is no reason to be ashamed over a disease. It's not your fault you have it. Does this make sense to you?

by: Grateful 3 years, 7 months ago
replying to Grateful

You got me thinking. About shame. You are right. I feel shame about my weakness, then I try to conquer the shame by being rebellious and I "reward" myself for making it through the week or whatever excuse I can conjure up. I stayed strong yesterday and today and it wasn't even remotely difficult. I didn't need booze. There were so many other things to take the place of the boredom that makes me want stop feeling anything. I didn't feel any shame or hatred. I felt in control and thoroughly enjoyed the day! It's only day 2 of this new journey for me. And I thank you for the insight you gave me. I pray and believe I'll do this. I did 13 years ago. I stayed on the wagon for 12 years and started again last year after a very bad falling out with a family member. This is NOT who I see myself as and I'm determined to take my life back. Somewhere along the line I lost myself and started to believe this is who I am now. But that time is over. One day at a time!

by: NewMe 3 years, 7 months ago