First meeting...

I participated in AA years ago for 5 months. I *thought* I was working the steps, but I did eventually get lazy and stopped working them, stopped going to meetings, and started drinking casually again...then not so casually. 😬. I am 29 days sober now and I am having some turbulence. I was so excited about the meetings years ago, but for some reason I do not have that excitement anymore. I feel a mix of fear and shame. I know in my heart that I need to go to meetings to successfully continue this journey, but it is so hard to pick one and actually go. Why is it so much harder this time around? :(

if AA is not working,then try another avenue such as smart or join a local forum that you can relate too.

You know I'm from one of the largest cities in the US but I live in a small rural community now. The meetings are very different from the big city to a small town. I've found a mix of Refugee Recovery and Celebrate Recovery work the best for me but back in the city AA and NA meetings were very welcoming.

The most important thing is that you surround yourself with others who are addicted but sober. They've been through the fire, many have been around to pass the stories along or even lived them. This has been a crucial part of my recovery and those that I have had fellowship with in and out of the program. Fellowship is a big part of recovery.

Our disease doesn't want us to get well that's probably why you feel resistance but you know in your heart it's best for you . I get the same thoughts about not going to meetings sometimes but as I continue working the steps and shining the light on my disease the fear and shame subsides, I walk out of the meeting feeling rejuvenated.
Did you have a sponsor ? were you fearless and thorough writing your moral inventory step 4 ?