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Failed again??? yup failed again

created by: richard78 2 years, 6 months ago



It's been almost 1 year since I've tried to kick this alcoholism. I've gone as long as 47 days sober and as long as 20 days drunk. I have never done AA as I'm too much of an atheist asshole to buy it, but maybe I need to change my thinking.

I'm currently stuck in a bender (6 days) and I just don't remember how I got out of it the last time. I feel like I wait until my body completely rejects it and I'm sick for 3 days.

The weather here is getting colder so my seasonal depression is already kicking in. My kids have been getting sick so I have to stay home sometimes. My trigger is when things don't go as planned. How on earth can I quit when my trigger is something that happens everyday???


by: richard78 2 years, 6 months ago

I need to go to a meeting, I need to make the effort, I hate this vicious cycle of self destruction. Most importantly I need a sponser, I have nobody to turn to when I feel mentally shitty. My sisters are also alcoholics and my wife is in denial and tells my to be a man and get over it.... it's not that easy when you have a physical addiction like this. By noon everyday my body wants to curl up and die, only thing that helps is booze. I hate this, thanks for listening.


by: richard78 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to richard78

Wow Richard, it sounds like you’re hurting a lot. You’re right though you do need someone to talk to. AA meetings are OK for that, even if you don’t appreciate the set up at least it’s people that are like you. And can understand you. It’s not all bad. I don’t especially like the structure either but I go sometimes because it’s nice to hear your story coming out of someone else’s mouth. Please try it, it’s better than the alternative at this point.


by: Frank 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to richard78

Keep getting up and dusting yourself off. Acknowledging the problem is half the battle, so you're on the right track.


by: anonymous 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to richard78

A sponsor, 12 steps, AA will work. Lots of atheists at AA meetings. There are also Agnostic AA meetings, and mens, women's, etc. Call central office in your area for information.


by: Grateful 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to richard78

I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I know AA has helped an incredible amount of people, but if you really feel like you can’t do AA, look into other groups. There’s Smart Recovery, which is more cognition and science-based. Dharma Recovery, which is based on Buddhist beliefs. Those are the first two I thought of, but there are tons of others. It also might be worth looking into a detox or other treatment options, they can really help.


by: Leah1992 2 years, 6 months ago

Thank goodness the program of AA is not religious! And the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It sounds like you know what you want to do. You've just got to muster up the courage and willingness to do it! Thank you for sharing.


by: Inubyte 2 years, 6 months ago

Thanks for the replies everyone, I admit my reasoning for not going to AA is complete BS. Not believing in god is probably why I am where I am. I am willing to change that oslf it means being alive for my kids.

That's one of the biggest fears I have. I'm almost 43 and I have 3 young girls. Oldest is almost 5 and the others are twins that are 2.5. So beyond the stress of work I have to deal with them which is very difficult. And then the realization that I an old dad and won't be around for them when they are adults. My parents had me when they were young and are still around and very healthy.

It's just cruel irony my fear of death is sending me careening down this path. I found a local group that meets at a church nearby, I'll be going tonight.... if I can stay away from booze, wish me luck and thanks again everyone, this app is the only support I have.


by: richard78 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to richard78

Amazing! I hope it went well. Sending you some good vibes!


by: Leah1992 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to Leah1992

It did thank you! This detox hurt so much, I wish we could just stop completely. I am willing to bet there is a medicine that could stop this horrible vicious cycle but these assholes make so much money from selling booze they don't care about us.


by: richard78 2 years, 6 months ago
replying to richard78

There is a medication that makes it so you can’t get drunk. Talk to your doctor about it. I believe it’s called Naltrexone.


by: liv 2 years, 6 months ago

good luck,keep positive and there are more options that just aa,like online forums or smart.just find whatever suits you,you will not be judged on what path you choose.keep your head held high!


by: Bubbles 2 years, 6 months ago

Richard, it sounds to me like you need some outside help. I tried a million times to do it on my own, only to end up failing. I went to the emergency room. They hooked me up with some meds and an outpatient program. I'll be sober 10 years next month. Most things are out of our control. Best of Luck, I'll be thinking about you.


by: kkdad 2 years, 6 months ago

Good for you for reaching out! You should read about step two in the 12 and 12 book. It totally addresses being an atheist and in AA.


by: Nichenders 2 years, 5 months ago