created by: BaD4LyF 1 year, 5 months ago
I drive around in this city I know very well but all of my memories are from when I was high….and it makes me miss it a lot! I feel like I had better times then. I feel those times were more fun…and it fucks me up! Badly! My mind ALWAYS go back to so many high memories and I miss it all, why????
First off congratulations on taking the road lees traveled of sobriety! I agree 110% of thinking those times were more fun during active addiction, but i can always easily humble myself by thinking of the memories towards the end. The shitty bitter end of a beautiful lie. Always remember that those times slowly but surely chipped away at your foundation of well being. Also never forget the good, the bad, the ugly, and where you’re at today after fighting for your life back. Again congratulations, and happy new year to you and yours.
Awesome message thankyou 😇
🌻 Thank you too for your kind words AussieDrunk 🌻
It's a condition of the human mind, I learned, it tends to remember the good things we did, in every day life, and forget the bad.. but at the same time this is exactly what takes place when being addicted to a hard drug and what can turn an addiction into a living nightmare over time. For example because I forgot about the "aftermath", because I forgot about the terrible speed hangovers because I forgot that I turned into a horrible person for days to my loved ones: I picked up again and a few weeks later again telling myself I had things under control because it wasn't that bad the last time.. telling or lying to myself it was even fun and therefore worth it to pick up again. Completely ignoring all the negatives, all the pain, all the lack of sleep, the temporarily deterioration of my brain but getting worse after every time I picked up, even when there were weeks of being sober in between. Like is said in the other post: it is indeed a beautiful lie. Our mind LIES to ourselves when addicted. Only through waking up, becoming more conscious, listening and acting to my own higher power, turned this "mechanism" around. It can go on for years, a life time even, when one keeps believing in that lie.
What helped me is writing the journals I found in this app. Writing down 5 reasons why I don't want to pick up drugs again. And every time when I was able to notice my mind was "romancing" those drugged up times again I read those five (or more) reasons again and in that way I finally got to see that the fun memories I had are completely overclouded when stating and remembering the down side of them. I have been told that this is the core of the disease: the human brain forgets the downside. Chooses the dopamine ride because of the lack of dopamine. The good memories are really made when being sober and actually are a much more vivid memory, are experiences made when conscious. They are pure. Literaly had to train my brain. Journalling helped me lot. Physical exercise helped my brain. Talking openly about my addiction helped. Meditation helpes. This app helpes.
Counselling helped. Find out what helps you to see through those high time memories. And also it helped me in the beginning to "say goodbye" to them. Say goodbye to the substance. Closing a chapter. Wishing you a beautiful 2022 🌻. May you make lots of pure memories 🌹
Thankyou SurferRosa a very powerful example of recovery in action ❤ I got goosebumps reading your post your higher power talking directly to mine through the heart 😇
Yes me too, I got goosebumps remembering how I felt the first time I realized I could follow the episode all the way to the end just in my mind. Don’t really do it they call it playing the tape all the way to the end. It always works if you can stop and do it when you can stop and do it. Good conversation people.
Thanks SurferRosa. Great reminder that I need to follow the first drink/drug through to where it will lead me, to its bitter end, before I pick up the first drink or drug. Seems its easier to think a drink will help and I need to not believe this lie.
Once I realised that I really do have a choice and I then make the conscious choice not to go down that same road to nowhere again I find it easier to catch the lie before it could catch me.
THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH FIR ALL OF YOUR AWESOME WORDS! You’re amazing!