Hard to get past the anxiety

Hey everyone.. this is my first time on this platform. I'm only 56 days into my recovery and I've been having so much anxiety. It's hard to get through the day without feeling beat down. I'm in recovery from heroin, crystal and fentanyl. While I am using methadone as a part of my recovery, I'm feeling so much anxiety, low self esteem and my inner voice is so dark. I'm unable to feel happy and I wonder when this is going to stop. When will I feel good in my sobriety? When am I going to feel strong? Will I always feel like a failure to my family and friends? Will I ever be able to get rid of this huge ball of anxiety that sits in my belly?

Hey 56 days is something to be proud of look at where you have come from ,is this not a miracle already ?
Its's quite normal to feel like this in early recovery ,I don't know about you but I did everything possible to escape unwanted thoughts and feeling ,when we get clean unwanted thoughts feelings surface to try to trick us into escaping reality again with a substance ,we have to find a solution to overcome the darkness ,the solution I've found has come about by practising the 12 steps ,building a relationship with a power greater than myself and connecting with others that have walked in my shoes .
It might not seem like it right now but you can be happy ,joyous and free ,freedom from a mind that wants to destroy us and make us feel hopeless and worthless .
12 step programs are free for all they are proven pathway for a new life and state of being.
It's entirely up to you to reach out ,but I guarantee you there will people there willing to help you without wanting anything in return . You can do this 💪

dear Ashley, what you are doing is truly amazing. as for what you are describing, it makes me wonder if you might benefit from antianxiety medication. i hesitated a long time before i started taking them, but they truly saved my life. i was experiencing what you described and once the med started to act on the symptoms, i had the headspace necessary to 1)breath and 2) reflect on my life, emotions and behavior.

you dont have to suffer through this alone. thank yoh for sharing and keep us in the loop

Anyone who takes antianxiety medication should make sure that their prescribing healthcare professional knows that they are alcoholic/addict and opt for non benzodiazepine if possible as benzodiazepines can be habit forming, eventually lead to relapse and very tricky to deal with.

you are so right. i tols my doctor i got addicted to xanax in the past and I went for a different type of med (zoloft, it worke for many years at a low dose)

you need to just take it day by day.things do inprove but we all have our bad days.i want to drink but refuse to give in and when i wake up sober im proud of myself!when i do feel like i really want a drink i try and keep busy and talk to people.

One moment at a time! Utilize any support you can find. You can do this. 56 days is huge. Don't sell yourself short. When was the last time you were clean/sober for 56 days? See, a huge accomplishment.