Trying to Maintain

Well I'm 4 days sober and I'm extremely proud of that. I started my job this week and love it. It's long hours but I need that distraction right now. I've found myself in a very toxic relationship and I plan to work hard to get out of it. I use to think I was crazy but then I really started thinking about it and realized my guy and I feed off of each other. He uses me and my issues to cover his behavior from his family and friends and I use his issues as an excuse to drink. He has started going away on the weekends and I'm ashamed but I can't wait for him to leave. I used to be jealous but I'm to the point I actually want him to find someone else to feed on so I can just make it through this well difficult transition I'm trying to make until I can get back on my feet and remedy our living situation. I feel like such a selfish person.I do my part and I've tried to talk to him several times about how I feel but he's almost like a child not wanting to discuss anything serious or isnt totally about him. I'm all into my faith right now. I just want to be me and the guilt of trying to care about his issues and really not is making me feel I'm crazy or something.

You are right to take care of yourself! You can't control him and you don't want to let him ruin your sobriety. Try talking about this issue with a counselor or at an AA meeting.

Thank you. Yes I have to a counselor and it does help so much.