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Staying in Present

created by: Grateful 1 year, 1 month ago

Gteat topic JibJab: How? I accept uncertainty and refocus on the present moment. I know worry doesn't help and only makes you feel bad while waiting. When I do think about the future I make plans, not results and stay optimistic but not demanding or expecting. This way of thinking about the future has kept me sober for 34 years, so far. How do you not think about the future?

by: Grateful 1 year, 1 month ago
replying to Grateful

What a tall order 😀! There is the key as you stated Grateful- “I make plans, not results and stay optimistic but not demanding or expecting.” I have an inclination to demand certain results and as happens fairly regularly my demands don’t match reality. A simple example here which I have learned to deal with constructively is “when I wave or say hello to someone and they do not respond.” I use to get angry and take their inventory…”their life must be miserable for they didn’t say hello to me.” Or “people are so into themselves! They, too, are sick individuals.” It was after looking at these responses that the conceit I had and my inferiority complex were causing my discomfort. I now reframe it with “waving to You God” or “saying hello to You Father” or something along those lines. I shouldn’t be kind to others to elicit some kind of response but that is what a child of God does to another child of God. Because we are all interconnected by the bond of Love so we want to be useful and kind to others (ourself).

by: JibJab 1 year, 1 month ago

currently struggling with staying in the present...developed what is called "death anxiety" and ever since i stopped drinking all i can think about is me dying, my dad dying, me being alone..exc...its terrible...i kno everyone dies, but its terrifying...
i just wish i could stop overthinking EVERYTHING. i try to stay happy and push negative thoughts but it doesnt always work..

by: anonymous 1 year, 1 month ago
replying to anonymous

The more I try to fight obsessive and intrusive thoughts the worse they get. How can I possibly be present when im torn between the past and future .
The only solution I've found apart nearly drinking myself to death is conscious contact with God. How do I make contact by practising living in the now ,that wouldn't be possible unless I practice spiritual principles to rise above my mind made problems.The 12 steps are my tools to combat self

by: AussieDrunk 1 year, 1 month ago

this has been a very hard thing for me to do. I still have to work on this.

by: Chrissaw 1 year, 1 month ago

Dear Anonymus, not sure this will help, just sharing an encounter with the fear of dying from the time I had insomnia. After getting treatment for the latter, it was being with my family and seeing good friends that helped me get back to normal and to the present. I had been stuck in some imagined point in time, that was precedent to my dying and it was overwhelming me with uncertainty. Being in their company made me realize that I wasn't living only my story in which I or my parents die soon, but that I was part of their stories where there is no such death, and inclusion in theirs was something that helped me stay and develop in the present. My family and friends' stories had future with me in it, and they would be there too. So, if it gets bad, and mine did, actually before that, i recommend getting help from a therapist.  ... Many people care about you and love you, like you love them, spending time in their company makes for a palpable present that involves you and you are part of all their stories that keep growing today and tomorrow and many days after - that is more important and more real than what is far in the future and undefined.

by: anonymous 1 year, 1 month ago

Yesterday, i wrote something here then deleted it, bc it was more thoughts about the future than the present... but there was something there, that when I have an ongoing project, or a goal to get to, that the difficult part is not to attach myself to it, and I sometimes do so by extension while doing the work, and after all that is what hurts if my project fails.... so i think, that it is ok to have an idea about the future or to visualize it (that just how it goes, mind the direction), but not to love that idea so much, that i forget to focus on what goes into it, and that everyday is maybe one minute of it that is complete and I may get frustrated by it. I would have to prevent myself from loving or desiring the idea of it (future), bc only ideas are perfect, and of course reality is much less than perfect. ......(Thereby life is suffering, it's been awhile since I read buddhist stuff. Kinda butchering it, sorry).... They say, not to want or desire, which is what attaches me to whatever goal I have, so basically just have to keep on course day by day, and let my work be on its own path... anyway... just one convoluted thought, among others, babbling.

P.s. "waving to God" if passerbys don't respond, .... that is very neat idea JibJab. Thanks.

by: Vita2037 1 year, 1 month ago
replying to Vita2037

We tend to be complicated people who need a simple program. That's one reason I like AA. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Vita. I can relate totally.

by: Grateful 1 year, 1 month ago
replying to Vita2037

Vita you make some good points and I can relate to the Buddhist philosophy of detachment. I can’t say I understand it entirely but maybe that is part of the point. To be in the present without attaching myself to future results? This is freeing, akin to showing up and letting God take care of the results of whatever endeavor I showed up for. I believe, at least in principle, they both say it is in the present where life happens.

by: JibJab 1 year, 1 month ago