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relationships

created by: Eschz2420 1 week, 4 days ago



I got into a relationship 3 months ago and ended it last week.
it was with someone I met in the rooms but connected with through a dating app. in the beginning after a meeting about relationships I new I needed to break it off and tried doing so, went back on it and stayed. things were good then tried 2 more times to break things off because it didn't feel right like I was using this person to avoid the my problems and just superficially work a program got convinced to stay. this final time I've stayed committed to the break up for the same reason, things were said about NA and my sponsor that really did not sit well with me.
I'm in a weird place where I feel alone, relieved, guilty, shame and stuck. I still don't know whether I made a good decision because I caused someone whose very sweet some pain but I do know if I didn't end things I most likely would have caused great emotional harm down the line.
I just want to know if made the right call


by: Eschz2420 1 week, 4 days ago

I got into a relationship 3 months ago and ended it last week.
it was with someone I met in the rooms but connected with through a dating app. in the beginning after a meeting about relationships I new I needed to break it off and tried doing so, went back on it and stayed. things were good then tried 2 more times to break things off because it didn't feel right like I was using this person to avoid the my problems and just superficially work a program got convinced to stay. this final time I've stayed committed to the break up for the same reason, things were said about NA and my sponsor that really did not sit well with me.
I'm in a weird place where I feel alone, relieved, guilty, shame and stuck. I still don't know whether I made a good decision because I caused someone whose very sweet some pain but I do know if I didn't end things I most likely would have caused great emotional harm down the line.
I just want to know if made the right call


by: Eschz2420 1 week, 4 days ago
replying to Eschz2420

Something I've learned when it comes to relationships is that doing the right thing doesn't always feel good. Really all we have are choices, and each choice we make has consequences that can feel good, bad, or both. I kinda believe we can't make a right or wrong choice, because sometimes making a choice that we perceive as "wrong" can have some great lessons if we're willing to look for them. If you think this relationship was harmful to you, then perhaps you were wise to end it- even if just for now. I'm a people-pleaser myself, so the thought of making choices that are good for me but may hurt other people's feelings is tough but the more you practice it, the easier it gets. The feelings are on the other person, not you, and they are responsible for dealing with them. Imagine trying to make choices only other people were happy about...! Where does that leave you? Just something to think about.


by: Inubyte 1 week, 3 days ago
replying to Inubyte

thank you
I'm definitely a people pleaser


by: Eschz2420 1 week, 3 days ago
replying to Eschz2420

It's okay. I think a lot of us are 🤣


by: Inubyte 1 week, 1 day ago
replying to Eschz2420

We never know if we made the right call about the kind of relationship you describe..But we do know that we are doing the right thing by protecting our sobriety. Ask yourself and others what is best for me right now to stay sober. The answer that has come to me during my 34 years of sobriety is: CONNECT WITH SOMEONE IN RECOVERY RATHER THAN PICKING UP THE FIRST DRUG. A great place to do that is on this forum. A great place to also do that while learning about what you need to do to change your addictive thinking and also connect with others is at NA/AA. Even at NA/AA you will run into people that may rub you the wrong way or tell you things you may not want to hear. That's why a central theme of AA/NA is "principles not personalities" . The principles are what we use to stay clean.


by: Grateful 1 week, 3 days ago

I got back together with her after talking about it.
I could hear the respect sponsor had for me disappear in his voice


by: Eschz2420 1 day, 2 hours ago