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It's Tuesday and I'm not lying to myself

created by: gothdetective 1 week ago

That I'm gonna get drunk one last time tonight and I will quit tomorrow for good. And I guess that's Something!!

Hi, everyone. You haven't seen my posts here in a while. I've been depressed and dealing with grief and loss, but still kicking it strong with sobriety. I have been thinking a lot about what to post here and how to do it. I think I've unconsciously put pressure on myself to always post Inspirational posts here. If it's not inspirational and maybe even really sad... Well, no one wants to read that. So, I forced myself to post Something here. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I should check in because it is part of my sobriety now. It's important so I don't relapse. I wasn't close to relapse, but boy, did I think about. Had nightmares where Somehow I relapsed and then I would wake up and think, "good, it was just a dream." When my 8 months of sobriety hit on the 6th this month, I was like, "oh well, I'm just doing the bare minimum." And if some of you remember my posts in the beginning, I was very proud of myself after 3-5 months. It was a Big Deal for me. So, I had to go a bit inward and see why I feel like this and work on and heal what I have to. So, I'm sort of back to basics a bit. Trying to remind myself that every day that I don't drink is a blessing. I'm grateful for it.

One funny thing I thought I'd share. I love the page F***ing Sober on Instagram and Twitter, they post relatable stuff and this is something I related to heavily as well as today's post that I shared in the beginning. Basically, they said, "Just a quirked up sober silly goose trying to make it in the world today."
And that's very much me, haha. I'm just trying. We all are. I have to remind myself that I am doing good and I'm getting to know myself on a level I didn't have a privilege to do before. I'm not numbing myself from pain and life before and it's uncomfortable, but I'm learning and I'm trying. We're all trying our best whether we think we failed in some way or otherwise. If anyone wants a movie recommendation that felt very healing for me, watch Everything Everywhere All At Once. It's a lot and you might cry a lot, but it is so worth it. And music? Regina Spektor's new album has been bringing me a lot of joy and it transported me back to 2009 when I was 20 and thought that life was full of possibilities. I choose to believe that it still is in my 30s.

Be well and have a nice sober day! 🌼

by: gothdetective 1 week ago
replying to gothdetective

good to read from you again gothdetective. thanks for sharing and no pressure 🤗 i will check out movie and album. amazing progress over there. let's keep going 💪

by: Kermit 1 week ago
replying to gothdetective

Thanks for the post gothdetective! I am looking forward to more of them. You have the tools and are using them. I would bristle when I felt I couldn’t be authentic with my feelings. I would feel them and be done with them. I now try not to let my feelings take me away and hide me in a pit of self-pity. I need to be on constant awareness of this. Enjoy this sober day! We are the fortunates:)

by: JibJab 1 week ago

Thank you for writing and sharing! Staying sober is a blessing, like you say, as is ability to look inside more clearly to what was ignored before or unnoticed - some good, some not . I like writing observations month to month, interesting to read in retrospect, for now... Good to hear from you again....  congratulations on 8 months, silly goose ! ❤

by: Vita2037 1 week ago
replying to Vita2037

Vita!! ❤️ I'm renaming myself to silly goose right now, haha! I've missed your posts! Hope you've been well. I still to this day think about what your friend said, "life is great when you have paper towels." I often say that and add, "so true." I wish there was an option to message a person here...

by: gothdetective 6 days, 23 hours ago

Thank you so much, everyone! I really missed kind and encouraging replies from you all. 🌼

by: gothdetective 6 days, 23 hours ago

Thank you Gothdetective. Am doing really well, on vacation in Italy ... I do think of drink now more, having all this free time, but if I passed the busy time at work without it, now will do all free time without it - 'tis a good practice 😃 Think it'd be great to connect through some chat or messenger, if you'd be interested., not a counsellor but a good listener, let me know.. and plus, sometimes i really need to talk to someone ..... Buona Sera 😃

by: Vita2037 6 days, 17 hours ago
replying to Vita2037

I'm glad you are doing well, Vita! Italy!! 😍 How lovely. I've never been, but I can imagine how inspiring of a place that can be with all the history and art! Have fun and enjoy. I totally understand worrying about drinking because of all the free time (been there), but you've got this! It's good practice absolutely and take it one day at a time.

I'm definitely interested in chatting. It would be nice to talk. I am a great listener too. ☺️ I'll leave my email here and we'll sort out other details there! Reach me at

Happy first day of Fall/Autumn! 🍁🍂🧡

by: gothdetective 6 days, 1 hour ago