Looking for confirmation

Hey everyone!
This is my first time on the app; I haven’t had alcohol since 11/21/22.
I humiliated myself and blacked out (not unusual, happens more often than not, even at home.)
My husband and I were camping.
I don’t remember much but he started packing up camp the next morning and said we were leaving. He didn’t want to worry about me falling into the fire or some other accident miles away from medical care.
One phrase he said that morning really sticks with me: “If you want to slowly kill yourself, I guess that’s you’re business, but at least at home it’s a bit safer.”
I’ve always been a heavy drinker- very much a part of the family culture.
I’ve quit drinking before but always go back to “certainly I can do this in moderation,” starter drinking again, humiliate myself, and the cycle continues.
I’m not sure how long this will last for me.
I’m not sure why that’s even a question- why can’t I just enjoy life without a glass in my hand?
I’m not sure if I need to commit to lifelong.
I’m just really unsure in general.
Anything you feel like sharing would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, Ashy I hope you're doing ok one day at a time. I come from an alcoholic background. My parents were excessive drinkers and I lost my maternal grandfather to cirrhosis of the liver. I started using alcohol early in life and became reliant on it for fun, artificial strength and false hope. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. Just before I tried AA I tried to imagine living sober, and just broke down and wept. I was wrecked, worn out, and knew I was fighting a losing battle, Ashy I knew I wanted more from life than the bottle could ever give me, and I knew that there was a path to freedom called AA. I took the AA road in life many years ago. I started getting active at meetings and went to several each week for many years. Settled down, got married and have a wonderful relationship with my wife and daughter, both of whom have never seen me drink. Not everyone who tries AA manages a recovery, my brother and sister never made it. This is something only you can do for yourself and your family Ashy, it is up to you. I found the support of new fellow AA people in the early years extremely important to my sobriety. Find people or contacts that you can share with, who will help you in your time of need. Learn from other people's mistakes. Get a sponsor to help guide you. How it works is very simple. H is for Honesty, O is for Open-mindedness and W is for Willingness. Welcome to your new life - God Bless

I'm the same. I managed to stop drinking for all of 2021. Prior to that I have been a heavy drinker since around 2002. I've been drinking much heavier this year and have decided to stop for good. Done stupid stuff. Day 1 today.

Welcome Robert. Helps me to post something on this forum everyday and to follow the TO DO'S in the apps messages. Might help you too.

welcome Ashy and thanks for sharing with us. this is wonderful community here that has helped many including myself. i am currently over 500 days sober but I remember the first days very vividly. replacing habits is hard and there are 12 step programs put there with great success rates, you can even join virtual meetings anytime. however I listened to the book "this naked mind" by Annie grace which helped me understand much better what I am dealing with. you should be able to get it for free from your local library. anyway you are only trying to stay sober today. a day at a time. no need to worry too far ahead or if you ever drink again. just stay sober today and check in with us here tomorrow. somehow I ended up over 500 days sober a day at a time and by now I pretty sure i want to keep going. 🤗 welcome

I have been where you are and have to agree with Kermit. Take life one day at a time. No need to think further than that now. In case you would like an additional recommendation for a book....I really liked "We are the Luckiest" by Laura McKeown. Hang in there. A sober Thanksgiving is not a bad thing.