trying to follow through and get to my first meeting today while i still have dope on hand

Best thing to do is flush it while you still have the drive and motivation to do it. If you keep it you WILL use. Don't create excuses for yourself such as its the last high or after this one i wont buy anymore. It doesnt work like that. I know it's hard but you know it's the right thing to do to start a new chapter of your life. When you'll get clean (and you will) you will want to rid the entire world of that crap so that no one will go through what yiu went through

You are absolutely right. I have heard it said reservations are for Indians. Any excuse etc will just hold you back. I should know. I have been there a thousand times. From my first drink I knew I had a problem. I was almost a daily drinker soon after for some 16 years. Fighting and struggling and for what. An empty Life and waking up or coming to with a horrible hang over. I have recently stopped gambling and wish to make that my last. Stay with it my friend. I can promise you the cravings and desires never totally go but it does get much easier. Give time time. An old saying and true.