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I'm not sober but want to be..but I'm scared

created by: Mela 3 years ago

I am turning 30 years old in a few weeks. I have been drinking 10 to 24 drinks a day since I experienced a great loss at the age of 22. I literally began drinking at the funeral and never stopped. I left everyone I ever knew. Left my country of origin, and surrounded myself with other alcoholics. they're my friends, I love them, and I love getting wasted with them. Furthermore, I married the bartender and few years ago, who is also an alcoholic.

I am unhappy and want to change my life. I quit smoking cigarettes 4 months ago and I feel really proud about that considering in this country it is still legal to smoke everwhere but I succeeded. I also began going to the gym 3 times a week for about 2 months now but I still haven't managed to control myself in drinking less.

I've never been to any AA meetings. I've never even read a book or even an article about AA meetings. this is the first I'm ever looking into it so I dont know anything about it AA other than it helps people?

One thing that I do know is that I feel like I would once again have to leave everyone and everything I know to recover and that scares me and I'm not ready for that.

My friends make it very clear to me that I'm no fun when I'm not drinking so logically I know I need new friends but the same time, I dont want new friends, I want them. Does that make any sense? I haven't had a drink in about 12 hours.

by: Mela 3 years ago

I'm always going to be around alcoholics. That's just who I am. Since I have been around recovering alcoholics for the past 31 years, I am alive and having fun with them. If I had continued staying with practicing alcoholics, I would have been dead long ago. I found the fun alcoholics at AA meetings.

by: Clean 3 years ago