Hating only hurts the hater

“Hating only hurts the hater; it does nothing to the person being hated.”

We need to get rid of hate for our own good. But how do we eliminate hostile and hateful thoughts? The best way is to forgive, and the best way to forgive is to literally pray for the health and welfare of the person we resent.“If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassion, understanding and love.” P.552 of the Big Book. At first, any normal, rational person will think that praying for the welfare of someone who has wronged, offended, insulted or irritated us is insane. I know I did. Nevertheless, this theory is at the centerpiece of many recovery strategies and religions. For example, exercising forgiveness may be a part of your cognitive behavioral therapy.  Another example: the Bible is but one resource that repeatedly states that we are all sinners, but the difference between those in Heaven and those in Hell is that those in Hell never asked for forgiveness or forgave those who sinned against them. Don't create a living Hell; try to forgive.


They are probably not thinking about you so don't give them free rent in your brain. Pray for them; they need your prayers.