Relapse is More than Just Using Again

A new SoberTool user writes: "Relapse. It was always just a word that means you used after being clean. I never gave much thought to it. Now, Relapse, it’s not just a word. It’s real. It means guilt, disappointment, a new life of lies, a mask of who I really am and what I really feel. It means the inner joy that i was so grateful to Jesus for, is gone. It means the miracle of feeling so wonderfully content and happy with life, has been taken for granted. It means trying to fake that I still have the joy. It means going out of my way to try to make my smile and laughter the same as they were, so family and friends don't notice that the change they distinctly saw in me, is no longer there. It means being a fake in everything I do. It means I want to be real again. I want to be able to go anywhere or see anybody and be myself again, where no matter how I act, its ok, because its real and I have nothing to hide. I want my true self back. The real me that I loved and that made my children so happy. How could I have done this to them? What was I thinking? Everything I was so grateful for and worked so hard for, gone, because the miracle that God gave me and my children and the prayers he answered, I took them and wadded them up and threw them away. I threw them right into God’s face and said Thanks God, but no Thanks for the one true miracle in my life that gave me contentment, happiness, joy and shamelessness. Jesus , I know you did all this for me, but I don’t want it anymore. So here you go. And after I threw them in Gods face, just a month ago, would you believe how much destruction has happened in my life and how I have affected so many peoples lives? Oh, Jesus, but now I want it back again. So, could you please give me all that back again? It’s only been a month of lies and shame. I would ask if you would trade this month for the 8 months of sobriety that you gave me, but I’m too busy getting high and using the fact that I’ve failed as an excuse instead of trying to get back on track. - that’s what relapse means to me."


To-do:

Don't pick up the drug. Don't fall back into this entanglement of regret and shame. Try the SoberTool Method: 1. Get the free mobile app. 2. Read the daily message. AND REPEAT THE TITLE OF THE DAILY MESSAGE AS YOU FACE STRESSORS DURING THE DAY. 3. Check your new reward. 4. Post at the Forum. 5. If craving or feeling bad, answer questions on the homepage before you pick up the first drink or drug.  We are pulling for you and we are together!