I used to get drunk because I was frustrated from not getting what I WANTED. It's not more complicated than that. Not getting what I wanted caused me to feel discouraged and even depressed. I drank to numb the pain. In recovery, I still don't get what I want. But I know that drinking will only increase the hurt. So instead of drinking, I mentally adjust my attitude from I WANT to DON'T NEED. For some strange reason, this attitude adjustment relieves the bad feelings and enables me to do something positive and self satisfying (besides drinking, drugging, or otherwise acting out).
Today, I will repeat the phrase, "DON'T NEED" every time I say or think, "I WANT." Then, I will do an unselfish action like posting an encouraging message on the SoberTool forum or emptying the dishwasher or calling a lonely person. i will enjoy how wonderful doing an unselfish action makes me feel!