My brain naturally hates me for some reason. It wants me to feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me...that I am a loser, an idiot or something even indescribably worse. Drinking relieved the shame for a moment but unfortunately it ended up causing me even more shame by causing me to do things that nearly ruined my and others' lives. AA has taught me to use spirituality to conquer shame. It has taught me to rely on my Heart, which is a metaphor for my Higher Power, to conquer my Brain, which is a metaphor for shame. My Higher Power includes testing human expertise and feedback on my shame. I also rely on therapy to help me make sense of and to get feedback on what is triggering my shame ad how to deal with it. It is important for me to find someone with whom I can be vulnerable to start the process of dealing with shame.
Today, I will allow my Heart to beat my brain. I will nurture my Heart by doing loving actions and meditation. I will try to become OK with who I really am, to forgive myself for perceived wrongs, and to not judge myself. If I do this, I will not feel ashamed, worthless, embarrassed, or humiliated. Today, I will repeat to myself, "End the shame game, end the shame game."