If you are fantasizing about using because you can't figure out why you became an alcoholic or addict, then you are using a dangerous rationalization to resume your addiction. Don’t worry about why you're an alcoholic, food addict or drug addict or any other kind of addict. Just look at your drinking, use and drug history, and if your use, drinking, eating, etc. caused you trouble, admit you're an addict and focus on recovery.Too many relapses are caused by trying to determine why one drank or used addictively. For example, coming to the conclusion that a stressful marriage surrounded uncontrolled drinking leads one to erroneously think that fixing the marriage will allow one to drink normally. The truth is that once you're an addict (regardless of whether it's to internet, alcohol, food, opiates, etc.), nothing will fix your addiction except abstaining from picking up that first one. Changing your geographical location, fixing stressors, changing your friends - nothing will allow you to use your drug of choice safely again.
Don’t think you can use safely again if you figure out why you became an addict. Just accept it and do the steps. Focus on recovery not the cause of your condition.